I bought my own house but my partner won't pay rent — or even buy loo roll (2024)

Moving in with your partner should be an exciting time, but for Katherine*, it only caused stress and anxiety.

The 43-year-old purchased her home with inheritance money from her dad, which paid for a deposit worth half the value of her property. A few years later, her boyfriend, who was an unpaid volunteer, moved in.

‘Once he moved in, it took [him] about another year to find work,’ Katherine says.

While she hadn’t asked him to pay rent when he was job hunting, she assumed he’d start contributing when he got hired.

‘The understanding was that once he was employed he would pay some rent to help with the living expenses,’ she explains.

‘I was making more than him and since it’s my house and I am building equity, I didn’t feel 50/50 would be fair so I asked for $500/month [£391],’ she explains.

‘That is about a fraction of what someone would pay to rent a room, much less all the utilities, supplies and whatever other bills pop up.’

Since October last year though, her boyfriend, who she plans to marry, has only paid her the $500 twice. He’s even since got a new job with a salary that means he is now the higher earner in their relationship.

‘I mentioned I’d like him to chip in a bigger share. He got pretty angry and reluctantly agreed to $800/mo (£627) – this is still far less than half the mortgage, doesn’t touch the bills, and is far, far below any sort of market rate for around here,’ Katherine says.

‘I have to chase him to get any money and generally he will send me half the rent amount saying he will pay the rest with the next check but it never comes.’

As a result of her boyfriend’s erratic rent payments, Katherine is now overdrawn each month, but he feels it’s unfair that he is expected to pay, because it’s not his house. In fact, he doesn’t even buy groceries or toilet paper – and never turns off the lights when he leave the house.

‘When I have expressed my frustration in his lack of financial contribution he demands to be put on the lease and claims then he will pay more,’ she adds.

Katherine, who posted her dilemma to Reddit, is questioning if she’s being unreasonable, but people in the comments have branded him ‘a major red flag’.

‘You are dating a Grade A, bona fide cheapskate,’ wrote one user (22-beekeeper).

‘He doesn’t want to contribute rent because he doesn’t want to pay your mortgage. He has forgotten any other bills exist. I wouldn’t stay with him. Money will always be a big fight for you two. He is going to squirrel away his money, and sit back to watch you struggle.’

Another (mecegirl) was equally as stunned: ‘Who started that stupidity? Its called rent!! Folks need to stop trying to freeload.’

But while the situation may seem clear cut – legal experts have a different opinion.

‘Owning a property solely and being unmarried to your partner can lead to financial complications,’ Yasmin Khan-Gunns, family associate at Keystone Law, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Without a formal written agreement, and with the mortgage, utilities, and bills in your name, you are responsible for paying them. While it’s reasonable to ask your partner to contribute to bills and living expenses, you cannot force them to do so without an agreement.’

The same issue would apply if Katherine was renting – her partner is only legally obligated to pay for rent and bills if he is on the rental agreement.

And, while it may seem unfair for them to ‘freeload’, as the Redditors put it, if you do decide to ask your partner to contribute – without their name being on any document – you could be opening up a can of worms.

‘You risk, with any sort of contribution towards mortgage payments, your partner subsequently claiming that they have a beneficial entitlement in the property,’ Yasmin says.

So, what’s the best solution? Rachel Fisher, Partner atStowe Family Law, advises that couples sign a cohabitation agreement.

‘It will clearly set out what each party owns and has an interest in, what each party will pay towards outgoings, and what happens should they split up,’ Rachel says.

‘The owner of the property needs to ensure that whatever the arrangement is, it is clear that the other party is not obtaining an interest in the property through the contributions that they are making.’

This is not a legally binding agreement in England and Wales though, so it’s important to seek legal advice when drawing up this agreement to make it as ‘watertight as possible’.

Of course, in Katherine’s situation, she may now be considering if she wants to stay with her partner.

Relationship expertHayley Quinn, tells Metro: ‘At the core of this issue, is a man who is taking more out of the relationship than he’s putting in, leaving his female partner feeling taken advantage of.

‘Her partner seems disinterested in contributing, or giving more to build the relationship. More than that, gestures like never buying any loo roll, and leaving on the lights, suggest a casual disregard for his partner’s finances and feelings,’ she says.

Constantly chasing her partner for money will make her feel like a ‘parent’ according to the expert, and ‘erode any attraction’ she feels toward him.

The solution? Hayley says: ‘This woman needs to stop holding in her resentment and have a frank conversation with her partner where she lays down her boundaries.

‘Apart from her partner regularly contributing financially, he needs to make a big jump up in the consideration levels he shows her.

‘If words aren’t enough then the male partner could move out, stand on his own two feet, and from there (maybe) they can get their relationship back on track.’

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